Hams

I've been lucky. In 5+ years for flying, I haven't had to sit next to too many big people. At least big enough to remember. There was this big ole sassy black girl once back in 2002 but none since. My string of luck ended this past Thursday. I was patiently waiting in La Guardia waiting on my delayed flight. The flight finally arrived, and I made my way to the back of the plane. (The Delta shuttle doesn't have assigned seats.) I put my bags away, put my coat over my knee, and made myself comfortable. I was relieved to finally be going home after a week of work and a 1.5 hour delay at the airport. I never saw Hams lumbering down the aisle. She chose the seat next to me as soon as I thought to lower the armrest. It slightly hit her on the way down. I figured it was because she was moving around settling in. I then noticed that the armrest wasn't all the way down. I thought I didn't make it all the way down before she sat, so I pushed it down hitting her again. About 10 minutes later, it was tilted up again. At this point, I knew the reason why. Hams. Luckily, she saved me the trouble and tried valiantly to keep it down herself for the rest of the flight. I scrunched myself against the window so she didn't think I was trying to get fresh or anything. What an uncomfortable hour.

If you don't know what Hams are, they're the thighs of a big person. They have the same size and shape as plump Christmas hams. Sitting in close quarters on an airplane they can get underneath the armrest and start to lift. If that starts to happen and one is not diligent, the Ham can easily start rubbing against another's thigh. Not a good situation. Not a good situation at all....